Harry Potter forced to watch AVPM
by Dponygirl
Summary: Thanks to our lovely little Author Dponygirl, she decided to kidnap the harry potter cast and force them to watch AVPM. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED STARKID, GO WATCH IT NOW! Rated T for Language.
1. Chapter 1

Hermione walked in her father's study, hearing her father's snores. She chuckled and took off his glasses, he snorted and looked up sleepily, "Hm?" Hermione sighed, "Go up to bed dad, that's enough for today." He had been studying all night lately, lately his boss had been laying off some people for not having a full knowledge on Dentistry. Every night, he'd study possibly 5 times till 5:00 in the morning. 'Now I know where I get it from..' Hermione thought to herself and sighed, "C'mon, dad."

He got up slowly and stumbled up the stairs, "Night Princess…" She went to the stray papers laying on the desk and floors, "Oh dear.." She picked them up and read, "How to do a Root Canal: A small hole is made through the enamel and dentin, and into the pulp. The pulp is then removed with small stainless steel files of increasing diameter. After the pulp has been removed, the inside walls of the roots are shaped, almost like a sculpture. Nickel/Titanium files that fit on a slow speed drill can aid in shaping the canals. During the procedure, fluids such as sodium hypochloride are used to both kill remaining pulp tissue and bacteria within the roots, and remove dentin shavings produced by the files."

She smiled and picked up another, "He's writing the same thing over and over.." She organized them and put up the books in a neat pile when she heard a thump. She grabbed her wand and walked out, "Dad?" She whispered, "Lumos.." In the light was Albus Dumbledore's face, she gasped and jumped back, turning on the light. Filled in the room was tons of familiar faces, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, and Vo- wait..VOLDEMORT?! She looked at him shocked, "What.." They looked at her, "THE HELL?!"

She backed up quickly into the wall, "W-What are you doing in my house!?" She heard a door open, "Dear? What's wrong?" She looked up to see her father wobbling in the doorway, "U-Uh nothing, just banged my knee..g-go back to bed." He nodded at her excuse and slammed the door shut. Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat, "Well Miss Granger, it seems that something has brought us all here.." Just then a note appeared, she picked it up and read it outloud, "Hello all! You're probably wondering why you're here at Hermione's house, especially you Voldy."

Voldemort growled at her, "What did you call me?!" She sighed, "That's what they wrote!" She went back to the note, "Well…honestly I'm bored. Nothing is good on Tv and I've ran out of manga." Ron interrupted, "Um…what's manga?" Hermione shrugged, "I don't know." A manga book appeared on the coffee table, Ron picked it up, "Ouran Host Club? What?" Hermione sighed and went back to reading, "So I've decided to take you all and make you watch the most hilarious show ever, Starkid! They have made Three Musicals about the famous golden boy. Yep! HARRY FREAKING POTTER!"

Severus snorted and sat down, "Honestly." Dumbledore chuckled, "Please continue Miss Granger." She nodded, "Now. You should all know that what happens in here will not be remembered when you leave, sad I know, cause I really ship Dramione." Everyone raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "All magic from the time this note appears is gone. Too bad for you Voldy, MWAHAHAHA!"

She felt awkward reading out the evil laugh, who is this person? "Now some of the things in these musicals are not real, EXCEPT DRAMIONE. IT IS REAL. The musicals will be a mash up of all of Harry's years, have fun and relax! If you need anything just ask the house, it'll give you anything you want. –Dponygirl" Harry sighed, "Great, so we're stuck here.." Dumbledore smiled, "Dponygirl, such a strange name. Well! Let's watch it!" Hermione sighed, "I'll go get my laptop.." She walked up the stairs, petting Crookshanks on her bed. He looked up at her worried before going back to sleep. She grabbed her laptop and went downstairs, "Alright. They already have it up on my screen apparently." Just then Harry and Ron's face went red, she looked at them curious, "What?" They gulped, "H-Hermione what are you wearing?!"

She looked at her Dad's old shirt, "Pajamas?" Ginny laughed as Hermione caught on, "OH! Don't worry I have pants on!" She pulled up the shirt to show shorts underneath, "See?" They sighed in relief, she didn't notice a flush on a certain blonde's cheeks. She sighed and sat down between the boys on the couch, "Ok, here we go." She pressed play and watched as the screen turned black.

In cause you were wondering, the seating plan is. |Voldemort in armchair| Severus and Albus on loveseat| Harry, Hermione, and Ron on the couch.| Ginny sitting on Harry's lap| Draco in an arm chair|


	2. Chapter 2

_**((A man with curly brown hair wearing the Gryffindor uniform and round glasses started singing as he sat on a trunk.)) Harry: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt.**_

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "Stairs?" She looked at Harry, he gulped and stared at the screen, "Must..be hiding.." She glared at him before looking at the screen.

_**Harry: Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want**_.

Malfoy and Severus snorted, "How selfish." Harry bit his tongue to keep from saying anything.

_**Harry: I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive!**_

Ron chuckled, "Wow man, that's most optimistic thing you've ever said!" Harry smiled and rolled his eyes.

_**Harry: I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now! I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm coooool.**_

Hermione turned to him and raised her eyebrow, "Oh? You were cool? I didn't know." The room went silent before bursting out into laughter, Voldemort and Severus only smiling slightly.

_**Harry: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back. I'm gonna see my friends, gonna laugh 'till we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year is anyone gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!**_

Ron laughed, "Again, most optimistic things you've ever said!" Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled.

**_Harry: I'll cast some spells with the flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, being it on! And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…_**

**_(A boy with a red wig comes on stage with a goofy grin)_**

Hermione bursted out laughing, "OH MY GOD!" Ron turned red and shouted, "THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME!"

_**Ron: Yeah 'cause together we're totally awesome! Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! Hey what's up buddy?**_

_**Harry: Hey! (man hugs)**_

_**Ron: Sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going so get your trunk and let's go.**_

_**Harry: Where are we going?**_

_**Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!**_

_**Harry: Cool!**_

_**Ron: Come on!**_

_**(Both start running around in circles) Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power!**_

The whole room laughed as Harry and Ron hid their faces with pillows.

_**Ron: It's been so long…**_

_**Both: …but we're going back!**_

_**Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!**_

_**Harry: As long as we're together…**_

_**Ron: …gonna kick some ass…**_

_**Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm. Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!**_

_**((A bushy haired girl pops up and sings)) But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our owls!**_

Hermione stopped laughing and stared at the screen in shock, "T-That looks nothing like me!"

_**Ron: Whoa, God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?**_

_**Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We have to hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. **_

Severus nodded in agreement, "Damn straight." They looked at him shocked, he shrugged, "What? Studying is important." They shut up and went back to the screen.

_**Hermione: I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start. What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and guess what guys that is totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.**_

Ginny hugged Hermione, "Aww! Mione! You're gorgeous!" Hermione sat there annoyed, glaring at her character.

_**Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.**_

Hermione's glare was redirected at Ron, he gulped and smiled weakly, "Not me?"

_**Harry: Hey Ron, c'mon, we're the only friends that she's got…**_

Hermione huffed, "Neville, Ginny, Luna, Parvarti, Padma, Cho!" Harry chuckled, "I know Mione."

**_Harry: …and that's cool…_**

**_Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!_**

**_Trio: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-coooool!_**

Dumbledore chuckled at the cheesy lyrics.

_**Trio: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back!**_

The screen turned black and started loading to another scene, Hermione sighed, "This is…" Dumbledore chuckled, "Press play Miss Granger, it might get better." She clicked the play button and laid back.


	3. Chapter 3

**_(Girl with red wig on comes in) Ron!_**

Hermione looked at Ginny who was red, "NO…that's n-not me.."

**_Harry: Uh, who's this?_**

**_Ron: Uh, This is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny. She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry._**

Hermione chuckled, "I think it is Gin.."

**_Harry: Hey._**

**_Ron: Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter._**

**_Harry laughed, "Thanks Ron, I'm pretty sure she got that the first time."_**

**_Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived!_**

**_Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny._**

**_Ginny: It's Ginevra._**

Ginny huffed, "I PREFER GINNY."

**_Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine._**

**_Ron: Stupid sister, ((claps)), don't crowd the famous friend. _**

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "What's with the clap?" Ron shrugged, "Don't look at me."

**_Hermione: Do you guys hear music or something?_**

**_Harry: Music? What are you talking about?_**

**_Ron: Yeah, uh, someone's coming._**

**_Harry: Someone's coming?_**

**_Cho and co: Cho Chang! Domo erigotto, Cho Chang! Gung hey fat, Cho Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!_**

Ginny and Hermione bursted out laughing, "Oh my god!"

**_Ginny: Oh, who's that?_**

**_Harry: That's Cho Chang._**

**_Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year._**

Ginny looked down at her hands, Harry felt a small ounce of guilt as he watched her.

**_Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her._**

**_Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her, it makes you look like an idiot._**

The men in the room nodded, "Right." Except Dumbledore who agreed with the girls.

**_Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley._**

**_Lavender: Bitch! I ain't Cho Chang!_**

Hermione snorted in her hand, "She called you bitch.." Ginny glared at her, "Hush."

**_Ron: That's Lavander Brown –clap- racist sister!_**

**_Cho: Hey, it's all right. I'm Cho Chang y'all._**

**_Harry: She is totally perfect._**

**_Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?_**

**_Harry: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?_**

They sobered up immediately, remembering their old classmate. Voldemort sat there with a smirk.

**_(A completely goofy man with hufflepuff attire appears.)) Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang! ((He dances off with Cho.))_**

They stared at the screen shocked, "Um…."

**Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him.**

**Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?**

**Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going.**

**Ron: God sister! **

**((A boy and two other people stood together))**

Malfoy raised an eyebrow, "I-Is that.."

**Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!**

**Neville: A-Ahhh!**

They bursted out laughing at how deep Goyle's voice was and how wimpy they made Neville.

**Ron: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle…**

**Ginny: Are you okay?**

**Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter? You think just because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!**

**Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…**

Hermione looked at Harry, "Like Neville?" He smiled weakly, "Uh…"

**_Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! ((He takes Harry's glasses and steps on them)) We hate nerds…_**

**_Crabbe: And girls…_**

**_Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby._**

Ginny laughed, "Nice act of bravery, hiding behind Hermione!"

**_Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulous Repairo!_**

**_Harry: Wow, cool._**

**_Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone._**

**_Harry: Yeah, I'm getting out of here…_**

**_((A blonde girl/boy walked in with a smile)) Did someone say Draco Malfoy?_**

They all bursted out laughing, "YOU'RE A GIRL!" Draco hugged and glared at the screen, "Damn muggles.."

**_Harry: What do you want Draco?_**

**_Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard._**

**_Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything._**

Hermione laughed as Ron pushed away Ginny, ending up with the real ginny hitting him on the head.

**_Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me; red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley._**

**_Ron: Oh my god, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass._**

**_Draco: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family._**

Harry smiled, "So if we're a family, what's the roles?" Ron laughed, "Isn't it obvious? Hermione's bossy so she's the mother, I'm the father cause I'm awesome and you two are our little children." Hermione rolled her eyes, "I would have remembered having two full grown children at the age of 15.." They laughed and hugged her.

**_Malfoy: Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts. (singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say and Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!_**

**_Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!_**

Hermione laughed at Goyle's voice again, she just couldn't take it.

Hermione: Hurry guys, or we'll miss the train!

**_All: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…_**

**_Harry: Maybe at last I'll talk to Cho?_**

**_Ron: Oh no, that would be way too awesome!_**

**_All: We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM! Here we go and this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itching to go._**

**_Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!_**

**_All: Ah! Ah!_**

**_Dumbledore: WELCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOME!_**

They all choked on air as they saw Dumbledore.

**_All of you to Hogwarts. I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool? Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts (speech) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. Oh, I'm just kidding, I'll expel yah if you call me Albus._**

Harry grinned, "Can you do that as a speech sir?" He smiled, "Maybe.."

**_All: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! Slytherin! Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_**

**_Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?_**

**_All: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_**

**_Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!_**

**_All: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_**

**_Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!_**

The screen went to black and the teens smiled, "NEXT ONE!" Hermione laughed and pressed play.


	4. Chapter 4

They watched as the video started, the audience clapping.

**_Dumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student, MR. Harry Potter._**

**_Ron: Woo! Woo!_**

**_Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he's even got the lightning scar for the proof._**

Voldemort rolled his eyes, "Of course Potter is your favorite student." Dumbledore chuckled, "I love all my students equally."

**_Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny…excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley._**

Ginny turned red and glared at Dumbledore, he ignored it and stared at the screen.

**_Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?_**

**_Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year._**

Hermione raised and eyebrow, "Uh..proffesor?" Dumbledore shook his head, "No, we don't have one."

**_Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care._**

**_Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders._**

**_Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff!?_**

They watched as Cedric pouted and sat down.

**_Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape._**

**_Ron: Ah man, Snape, I had hoped they fired that guy._**

Ron sank down as he saw Snape's glare on him.

**_Ginny: What's wrong with Professor Snape?_**

**_Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil._**

**_Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad._**

**_Snape: Harry Potter, detention._**

They bursted out laughing as they saw Snape, drawling out his words, "OH! PERFECT!"

**_Harry: What? Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…_**

**_Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter._**

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "I..don't talk like that!"

**_Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?_**

**_Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way_**

**_Snape: Perfect!_**

Hermione snorted, "Now I know that isn't Snape."

**_Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one._**

**_Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that _**

**_Ron: Not you, oh my god. _**

**_Hermione: -when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere._**

**_Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football... a dolphin._**

Hermione sighed, "Imagine if it was in marine world? A little kid goes to pet it and poof! It's ended up somewhere in the desert or headquarters."

**_Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?_**

**_Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves…(He looks at Ron)_**

Hermione and Harry bursted out laughing, "OH MY GOD!"

**_…They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux. _**

The teens looked at Dumbledore confused, he shook his head.

**_Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?_**

**_Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough._**

**_Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?_**

**_Snape: Oh no, no-no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you…(He looks out to the audience) Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor._**

**_Gryffindors: Woo!_**

**_Snape: Ravenclaw._**

**_Ravenclaws: Ow!_**

**_Snape: Hufflepuff._**

**_Cedric: Find!_**

**_Snape: What? And Slytherin._**

**_Slytherins: Yessssssss!_**

**_Snape: Now, tra….((He looked at the slytherins and did a little stroke in the air to their hand snakes)) traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!_**

**_Gryffindors: What? Why?_**

**_Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat._**

Hermione looked at Snape shocked, he looked back and smirked, "I can't do that." She sighed in relief. Ron smiled, "Plus you're not fat."

**_Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione._**

**_Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell._**

**_Harry: Ow! Ah, ah!_**

The teens laughed at Quirell, "It's so obvious!"

**_Quirrell: House Cup, a time honored tradition, for centuries…_**

**_Draco: Go home terrorist!_**

Hermione laughed, "Brilliant!" Malfoy looked at her, did she just call him brilliant?

**_Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the…roots of the competition?_**

**_Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students._**

**_Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question._**

The boys snorted, "Same Hermione."

**_Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor._**

**_Ron: Thanks Hermione._**

**_Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup but would also win eternal glory._**

**_Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament._**

**_Quirrell: Yes, kind of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with 4 teams?_**

**_Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after 1 semester when one of its students was killed during the first task._**

**_Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous but the rewards far out way the risks._**

**_Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,I just said somebody died!_**

**_Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points._**

**_Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!_**

Hermione touched her mouth, "I-It's not lop-sided, is it?" Ginny giggled and shook her head, "No."

**_Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore._**

**_Quirrell: Yes, yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Dense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to…_**

**_Voldemort: Achoo!_**

The whole room froze up and slowly turned to Voldemort, "Um.."

**_Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?_**

**_Quirrell: Um, sir, no._**

**_Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving._**

**_Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me._**

**_Voldemort: Achoo!_**

**_Harry: Ow! Ow! Oow! Holy Jesus, oh my…ow._**

**_Voldemort: Achoo!_**

**_Quirrell: I simply farted once more._**

Harry gasped dramatically, "HE FARTED IN MY FACE!" They bursted out laughing.

**_Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete so, Snape, will you do the honors for me?_**

**_Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang._**

**_Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all._**

Ginny snorted and rolled her eyes, Hermione patted her knee, "Down girl."

**_Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory._**

**_Cedric: Well, I don't find this surprising at all._**

Malfoy huffed, "I FIND your jokes annoying." Hermione smirked, "Well I FIND that rude!" He looked at her shocked, she realized what she said and turned away.

**_Cho: I find it perfect that I get to spend more time with my little boyfriend._**

**_Cedric: I as well, my darling._**

**_Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy._**

**_Draco: Ha! Ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that huh? I'm the champion this time!_**

They watched as he rolled down their laps, "Um…Malfoy?" Malfoy shook his head, "Not. A. Word."

**_Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion is just a title._**

**_Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he might lose his life…_**

**_Neville: If it's me, I just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors now, for when I lose…_**

Hermione sighed pitifully, "Oh Neville.."

**_Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter._**

**_Ron: Woo! Woo!_**

**_Dumbledore: Here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything….so let's get to it._**

**_Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang!_**

**_Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy…hey.._**

Harry chuckled, "Aww poor Malfoy." Malfoy glared at him, "Next." Hermione chuckled and pressed play.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag._**

Harry chuckled, "Why couldn't you be like this before?" Ron smiled weakly, "Sorry.."

**_Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this. Yeah!_**

Harry sighed, "Why am I such a jerk?" Snape snorted, "Cause you're a Potter." He glared at her and huffed.

**_Hermione: I don't know Harry._**

**_Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up! Why do you have to rain on everyone's parade?_**

**_Hermione: Because Ron, this is dangerous._**

**_Harry: Dangerous, oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?_**

Hermione snorted and muttered, "You're not invincible."

**_Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry. Somebody died in this tournament._**

Hermione stared at the screen in shock.

**_Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-Lived not Died. God, what's the worst that can happen?_**

**_Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head._**

**_Harry: Come one think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors…_**

**_Ron and Harry: Dumbledore's_**

**_Harry: the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard, _**

**_Ron: Beautiful._**

**_Harry: -beautiful wizard in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?_**

**_Hermione: I mean, what about Snape?_**

Severus looked at Hermione, "Yeah what about me?" She smiled weakly.

**_Harry: What about Snape?_**

**_Hermione: He's hated you for years and he hated your parents too, Harry everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five potential Gryffindors._**

**_Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!_**

**_Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies, ones you might not even know about._**

**_Harry: Alright, so let me get this straight; you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?_**

**_Hermione: I don't know…maybe! Anyway I just think that it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it._**

Harry smiled, "Oh Hermione, always the voice of reason." She smiled back and hugged him.

**_Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out._**

**_Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!_**

**_Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you could win? Come on!_**

**_Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got enough. Besides, Neville will be a great champion…_**

**_Ron: No, no, no I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion._**

They bursted out laughing, even Hermione couldn't help but laugh.

**_Hermione: Look all you have to do is, look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?_**

**_Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really really cool, we're super tight, I don't want him to think I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one (he taps her nose). You got it._**

**_Hermione: Alright._**

Hermione growled, "Harry, you ever do that to me and there will be no little potters running around anymore." Harry gulped and nodded, "O-Ok.."

**_Harry: Don't worry about it._**

**_Hermione: Dumbledore?_**

**_Dumbledore: Yes Granger?_**

**_Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment; it's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete._**

**_Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete?_**

**_Hermione: Well, uh, because he…wants to study._**

**_Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you._**

The boys snorted, "Isn't that the truth." Severus looked up, "I studied." Voldemort nodded, "Me too. I was top of my class." Hermione looked at the boys smug, "Ha!" They stared at her, "Congrats, you have something in common with Snape and Voldemort." She thought about it and sighed, "You can't let me happy about one thing, can you!?" Harry chuckled, "Sorry Mione."

**_Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he-he wants to focus on the OWLs._**

**_Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!_**

Hermione and Ron raised an eyebrow, "You are?" Harry nodded, "Oh yeah, in fact we're going roller blading next weekend." Dumbledore chuckled and shook his head.

**_Hermione: No, Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse; a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter._**

**_Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met._**

Severus looked at Dumbledore, "Well I'm glad someone realizes it." The whole room was silent, then laughter rang out, they looked to see Voldemort, "I KNEW IT!" They shook their head at the cold laughter.

**_Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?_**

**_Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happen to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. _**

Harry shouted, "IT'S A BOMB!"

**_Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! Do you see Granger, how thoughtful?_**

**_Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti-oh I mean, bon appetite. Beep beep beep beep. ((He ran off))_**

**_Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?_**

**_Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking; finger-licking good._**

**_Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich._**

**_Dumbledore: What, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. ((Hermione grabs the sandwitch and throws it away)) Granger, what the hell…GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_**

Hermione groaned, "Saving your life!"

**_You done gone exploded my sandwich!_**

**_Hermione: I'm sorry sir!_**

**_Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup? It's enchanted; whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad._**

Hermione: What do you mean bad?

**_Dumbledore: Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light._**

**_Hermione: A total protonic reversal!_**

**_Dumbledore: Yeah,_**

Ron looked at Hermione, "Uh…" She replied, "Ghostbusters."

**_So you see, he has to compete and Hermione if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so, um, I'll keep my eyes open but nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore. I gotta go make myself another sandwich though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!_**

**_Hermione: Because it was a bomb…_** **_Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is._**

**_Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default._**

**_Harry: Alright, you're awesome._**

**_Draco: Well, isn't this touching?_**

**_Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!_**

The teens laughed as they saw Malfoy being carried, "U-Um..maybe I hurt my legs?" Malfoy questioned himself in hope.

**_Draco: My father and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts._**

**_Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?_**

**_Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts._**

**_Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?_**

**_Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year._**

**_Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that._**

**_Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars._**

Hermione scoffed, "That's not real.." Malfoy smirked, "Or maybe it's hard to FIND." She glared at him, "Stop!" He laughed and turned to the screen.

**_Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?_**

**_Draco: No, no, I'm not even here._**

**_Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is…Dumbledore…_**

**_Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar._**

**_Goyle: Rumbleroar!_**

Hermione giggled at Goyle, Ron frowned as he heard it, "What?" She smiled, "He's just..kinda cute."

**_Harry: Anways, as I was saying…_**

**_Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk._**

**_Harry: Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here._**

**_Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say! We're the only ones in here._**

**_Harry: Malfoy, just get out of here please?_**

**_Draco: Where are supposed to go?_**

**_Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?_**

**_Draco: Ha-ha, ha-ha, now you're just being cute..Look at this!_**

"What the hell?"

**_Look at this. Look at it, Rocket Ship Potter! Oh, Oh, Starkid Potter! Moon Shoes Potter, traversing the galaxy in intergalactic travels to Pigfarts._**

**_Harry: That's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me but bring my parents into this it's a whole other story._**

**_Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!_**

**_Harry: Oh, so you're just let…_**

**_Goyle: Back Off!_**

**_Harry: Whoa, scary, scary…_**

**_Draco: So, not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend._**

**_Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!_**

"HELL YEAH! BAD ASS HERMIONE IS COMING OUT!"

"Harry, shut up."

**_Draco: Oh come on!_**

**_Hermione: ((grips his/her tie)) Take it back Malfoy._**

**_Draco: Take what back?_**

**_Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!_**

**_Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true._**

**_Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What._**

**_Draco: I'm sorry…_**

Malfoy looked at the scene, remembering when he got punched by her. He touched his nose gently and smiled, who knew the bookworm had it in her?

**_Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?_**

**_Draco: I promise!_**

**_Hermione: Right, now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch._**

**_Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione._**

**_Hermione: Yeah, Unjellify!_**

**_Ron: That's like the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like all this pent-up aggression like rawr and…_**

Ron laughed, "Yeah! " Hermione grabbed some marshmallows and shoved them in his and Harry's mouths, "Shush, you'll wake up my parents!" Their voices were muffled, "Mmf…mm..mmmf!" She giggled and turned back to the screen.

**_Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff. We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd._**

**_Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle?_**

**_Goyle: ((crawls forward and sniffs)) No._**

Hermione giggled, "D-Did he just sniff you!?" Draco((Yeah I'm calling him Draco now.)) groaned and covered his face, "Oh my god.."

**_Draco: I thought maybe…maybe a little…Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud…whatever._**

Draco frowned, that was the exact same thing he said to Crabbe and Goyle in the hospital wing. How did they know?

**_Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify._**

**_Draco: Right, I'm not surprised. Come one, let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place._**

"NEXT ONE NOW!" Hermione shoved marshmallows in his mouth again, "Shh!"


	6. Chapter 6

Hermione grinned as Quirrell appeared on the screen.

**_Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe; they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses…or should I say on the back of their heads? ((He takes off his turban and Voldemort sticks out his tongue))_**

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "Whoa, he's so hot!" Ginny nodded in agreement, staring at the screen. Voldemort raised an eyebrow, "No comment."

**_Voldemort: I can't breathe in that damn turban._**

**_Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew you lived and when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on._**

**_Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and ugh, unicorn blood._**

**_Quirrell: Until I found you and let yourself attach to my soul._**

**_Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that._**

Harry rolled his eyes, "Too late! If it wasn't obvious enough."

**_Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth._**

**_Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege._**

**_Voldemort: Yes-yes-yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall._**

**_Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed._**

**_Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!_**

Hermione chuckled as Quirell gave him it, "Did..this happen?" There was no response, something told her he was too annoyed by his character.

**_Wash that turban, it tickles my nose._**

**_Quirrell: Yes my Dark King…_**

**_Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point._**

**_Quirrell: yes, yes my…Voldemort._**

**_Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could have touched him._**

"That sounds so wrong."

**_Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it, it tastes like cool mints._**

**_Quirrell: That's our Listerine Voldemort._**

**_Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell._**

**_Quirrell: Goodnight._**

**_Voldemort: Okay-okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy._**

Hermione let out a squeal, "So cute!" Voldemort glared at her, she ignored him and fawned over the oh so handsome Joe Walker.

**_Quirrell: So? I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable._**

**_Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow! You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing._**

"Ooh! So evil!"

**_Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side._**

**_Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this._**

**_Quirrell: Now, goodnight._**

**_Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell…. Hey Quirrell?_**

"Oh my god..

**_Quirrell: I think they're from last night. I just put them there for now._**

**_Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?_**

**_Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?_**

**_Voldemort: Ah, no! No-no that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes._**

**_Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning._**

**_Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile!_**

**_Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other._**

"They're like an old married couple.."

**_Now I've been single for all my life, I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around._**

**_Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do your clothes! Namely, a dresser!_**

**_Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple?_**

"Oh no, not another song!"

**_You won't sleep on your tummy._**

**_Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back._**

**_Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree._**

**_Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers._**

**_Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers…_**

**_Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be._**

**_Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill._**

**_Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!_**

"They are!"

"No Hermione, just no."

**_Sipping tea by the fire is swell…_**

**_Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties._**

**_Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise._**

"BURN!"

"Ronald! Hush!"

**_Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can be._**

**_Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords._**

**_Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here. I've won several awards!_**

Snape snorted, "No."

**_Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold._**

**_Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old._**

"Whoo! Go Quirrell!"

**_Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through._**

**_Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo._**

"It's not a tattoo, it's a scar."

**_Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can…_**

**_Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew…for when our plan succeeds, part of that world goes to you._**

**_Quirrell: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!_**

"…Is it me or does that seem nice? I mean, I hate him but he's got good plans."

**_Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes._**

"Nevermind."

**_Quirrell: And gardens of flowers!_**

**_Voldemort: …and goblins and werewolves and a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!_**

**_Both: When I rule the world! ((Lights dims out))_**

Hermione looked at Voldemort who was twitching, "Dare I ask?" He glared at her, "JUST. PLAY. THE. CLIP."


	7. Chapter 7

They watched as the screen lit up.

**_Hermione: Harry, don't you think you should be trying to figure out the first task or something? You can actually die if you're not ready._**

**_Harry: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for? Can't you just prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?_**

**_Hermione: I'm writing your Potions essay._**

**_Harry: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task please? You are the best ((he taps her nose))_**

"Harry.." He quickly scooted away, making sure Ginny was on his lap and covering his crotch.

**_You got it, thanks Hermione. Hey Ginny, come here. I wanna show you something, come here._**

**_ Ginny: Hey Harry Potter.._**

Ginny sighed, "I did not act like that!" Harry smiled and kissed her cheek, "Course not love.."

**_Harry: Listen, I wanna play you a song I'm working on. It's for a girl I really really like and I wanna let her know she's really special. So, I just wanna know what you think so just the purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where her name should be…_**

"Oh shit…"

**_I don't think it's really going to work out because…well…let me just give it a shot._**

"You are so screwed."

**_You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really-really skinny…Ginny. I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny. I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny, Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you up to Winnipeg, that's in Canada! Pretty Ginny, Gin… (talking) you know what…_**

"Aww so sweet!"

**_This doesn't work for me at all. I mean, I don't know, how does it make you feel, emotionally?_**

**_Ginny: Wow! Wow-e Harry Potter!_**

**_Harry: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?_**

**_Ginny: "I think it already has." _**

**_Harry smiled and hugged Ginny to him._**

**_Harry: Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang._**

"AHHHH!" They all looked to see Ginny with her knee in Harry's crotch. Voldemort and Severus snorted, watching the fiery redhead glaring at Harry.

**_Ginny: Oh yeah, she is beautiful._**

**_Harry: What are you, nuts? Beautiful, more like super- mega-foxy- awesome-hot! She's the best girl I've ever met. She's more attractive, more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends._**

"OW!" They looked to see Harry on the floor, Ginny standing up and Hermione smirking.

**_Ron: What's up Neville? ((he slaps him))_**

**_Neville: Ah!_**

**_Ron: Move-move-move-move-move-move-move, awesome, hey Harry what's up? So, I was just off stage, hanging out with Hagrid and I saw, uh, these delivery wizards bringing in giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for._**

**_Hermione: Giant cages, I better whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry we have to find out what it is._**

**_Harry: Hey, hey guys, chill. I'm busy._**

"Typical Potter."

**_Hermione: Harry Potter…((she takes away the guitar))_**

**_Ron: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!_**

**_Ginny: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!_**

**_Ron: Whoa!_**

"It's just a guitar!"

**_Hermione: Guys, now listen this could be a matter of life and death._**

**_Ron: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after-hours, okay, and we can't leave Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us._**

**_Hermione: Neville won't tell._**

**_Neville: Oh yes I certainly will!_**

**_Ron: So what're we going to do?_**

**_Hermione: It's simple guys, the Cloak._**

"Ah ha! The Cloak!" Harry shouted. Severus turned to them, "What cloak?" He looked away quickly, "Uhhhhhhhh….nothing.."

**_Ron: Of course,_**

**_All Four: The Cloak._**

**_Ginny: Wait what cloak?_**

**_Ron: Shut up!_**

**_Harry: When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present, oh bye Neville, I got a present left to me at my first year at Hogwarts and, uh, it was left to me by my dad, my dad's that dead. My father is dead. It's from my dead father._**

"WE GET IT!"

**_Ginny: Wow, oh boy wow-e Harry Potter, you have a real Invisibility Cloak. Oh-oh-oh-oh, you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?_**

**_Harry: I would, I would kick wiener dogs._**

"That's so cruel!"

**_Ron: I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people._**

"That's…so Ron.."

**_Hermione: I would sue it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror._**

"Aw mione! You're beautiful!"

**_Harry: That's emotional._**

**_Ginny: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at my funeral._**

"Oh yeah, that's not twisted at all."

**_Harry: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom._**

**_Ron: Who-whoa-whoa-whoa, where do you think you're going?_**

**_Ginny: Um, with you guys?_**

**_Ron: No, no way, no kid sisters allowed, okay? Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people so, um, come one Hermione, come on._**

"Oh gee. Thanks Ron."

**_Ginny: The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell. Everything has fallen, and I don't know where to land. Everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am. Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me?_**

"Aww love!" Harry smiled and hugged her, she blushed and covered her face.

**_I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're just standing there, you take away my breath, and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say! When I say Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me… ((screen turns black))_**

"NEXT ONE!"


	8. Chapter 8

**_Quirrell: Master, Master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!_**

**_Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear._**

**_Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master, we made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the Cup and soon he will be ours._**

**_Voldemort: Yes, it's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well I fell like maybe we should celebrate. What do yah say Quirrell? How's about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hogshead._**

Ron looked at Dumbledore, "Is there really karaoke?" He shook his head, "No. But we should!"

**_Quirrell: I don't know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind._**

**_Voldemort: Come on Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year. You deserve a night off._**

**_Quirrell: But the papers…_**

**_Voldemort: Oh just give them all B-'s and be done with it!_**

**_Quirrell: Now that's evil._**

"Oh sooo evil."

**_Voldemort: Yeah, Yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks and we'll try to pick up some chicks._**

"Oh my god, no.."

**_Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say I'm no good at that._**

**_Voldemort: Come one, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking. -Quirrell makes noise- Quirrell, man live a listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this._**

"Aww!" Hermione grinned, Voldemort huffed and rolled his eyes.

**_Quirrell: Well, if you put it that way, then yeah, let's just go wild tonight!_**

**_Voldemort: That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic. Quirrell, we're gonna get you laid._**

"Those words should never leave Voldemort's lips."

**_Seriously man, back when I had a body, woo, I had mad game with the bitches; just ask Bellatrix Lestrange._**

Draco gagged and shook his head, "THAT'S MY AUNT!"

She heard a thump and looked behind her to see her father laying on the floor, "W-What's…g-going..with the sssssound….." Hermione sighed and got up, picking him off the floor, "Dad go to bed, I'm just watching a movie." He laid his head on his shoulder, "Mione-whiny, you're the sweetest.." She nodded, "I know dad." He smiled, "NO! No! No no no no no…really. You're….my daughter…..and…." She looked to see him asleep on her shoulder, "Right. Love you too dad." She pulled him up the stairs and put him in the bed with her mom. She walked downstairs to see the others grinning, "Mione-whiny?" She blushed, "I-It's a name he gave me when I was a baby!" They broke down laughing, "Oh my god!" She huffed and sat on the floor, away from them, "Whatever.." She played the video.

**_Ron: Well, um, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be._**

**_Hermione: Sh! Someone's coming._**

**_Draco: Did you just hear something?_**

**_Goyle: No, only quiet, maybe one raindrop._**

**_Draco: Doesn't matter, tell me Goyle, who do think is the ugliest girl in school?_**

"Malfoy..why?" Draco huffed at Ginny, "It's not me!"

**_Goyle: Uh, Buckbeak for sure._**

"Isn't Buckbeak a girl?"

**_Draco: Crabbe?_**

**_Crabbe: Winky the House Elf._**

**_Draco: Good one, obscure! Care who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger. _**

"G-Granger! R-Remember this isn't me!"

**_Do you know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one-one being the ugliest and ten pretty._**

"A-AH! OW! GRANGER!"

**_ I would give her an eight. _**

Hermione stopped from what she was doing, one hand gripping Draco's hair and the other holding her wand to his crotch, "W-What?"

**_An eight point five, a nine, but not over a nine point eight!_**

She looked at Draco shocked, he turned red, "N-NO way! T-That's not me!" She looked away, a frown on her face. He sighed and scooted aside, "S-Sit down.." She looked at him and sat down beside him in the chair.

**_There is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, like me, it's why I am holding out for a ten because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go._**

She chuckled, "How conceited." Draco rolled his eyes and moved his arm over her shoulders, getting comfortable.

**_Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks._**

**_Hermione: Alright, forget them, where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?_**

**_Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so it should be at the end of this hallway to the left._**

**_Harry: Look!_**

**_Hermione: A goat?_**

**_Harry: A goat, oh my god, I have to fight a goat. I don't think I can do that morally._**

"Really? I WISH I fought a goat!"

**_Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time Headmaster._**

**_Dumbledore: Feeding time, dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!_**

**_Harry: Did he just say dragons?_**

**_Snape: Did you just say did he just say dragons?_**

"Oh my god, you freaking idiot."

**_Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut up, Potter._**

"Ooh burn!"

**_Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?_**

**_Dumbledore: Oh Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow._**

**_Snape: Well that's absurd._**

**_Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room, I have some pretty kicking posters on my wall._**

"Ewwww, please no.."

**_Snape: Well, I am rather tired._**

**_Harry: Ah man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid?_**

**_Ron: Well alright, maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or like…I don't know, maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something._**

"Who are they?" Draco looked at Hermione, she smiled, "Cartoon dragons."

**_Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry will die. Now look, there's still time alright, we just need to figure out a plan._**

**_Harry: Okay, we'll just head back to the Common Room, wait, where's the Invisibility Cloak?_**

**_Ron: I threw it over on that magical walking chair…oh._**

Harry glared at Ron, "If you do that..I'll kill you…no joke..that's my father's cloak.." Ron gulped and backed up.

**_Harry: That's gonna be an issue, yeah._**


	9. Chapter 9

**_((Voldemort and Quirrell show up drunk))_**

**_Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before._**

**_Voldemort: We should have realized that with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk. _**

"I like this voldemort! He's cute and funny."

**_Hey Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, you remember that girl you were talking, you remember that girl you were talking to? Well I was talking to her sister on my side.._**

**_Quirrell: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up._**

**_Both: Because she didn't know that we were one person!_**

All the teens bursted out laughing as they watched the two actors bend over each other, stumbling.

**_Quirrell: You know I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day Party of '91._**

"You call that fun?

**_Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun since, yeah shit I can't ever remember having this much fun!_**

"Gee I wonder why.."

**_Quirrell: You never had fun, ever, doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil?_**

**_Voldemort: Yeah, maybe, definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach but uh, yeah I guess you could be right I guess. I mean it's kind of funny._**

**_Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?_**

**_oldemort: Oh it's just that I never-never ever really ever considered another reason for me being so evil because normally I just kill people that try to get me to open up you know…Oops!_**

"THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY!? OOPS?!"

**_ It's kinda nice to just talk._**

**_Quirrell: You know I have to admit that I was kind of nervous when you demanded to attack yourself to my soul._**

**_Voldemort: Yeah, I could sense that._**

**_Quirrell: But like, now I think it's…kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate or even a…_**

**_Voldemort: Yeah, like a slave, like a, like a Death Eater._**

"Oh no Voldy.." Voldemort turned to Hermione shocked, "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" She ignored him and snuggled up to Draco.

**_Quirrell: No man. It's like having a friend.  
_**

**_Voldemort: I've never had a friend before._**

**_Quirrell: Looks like you got one now._**

**_Voldemort: Who would have thought at the beginning of this year we would feel like this towards each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?_**

**_Quirrell: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me. We're different, different as can be._**

**_Both: we simply guarantee when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be._**

**_Quirrell: It's a comedy of sorts, when you're bound to Voldemort._**

"Oh I'm sure it is."

**_Voldemort: And I'm happy as squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell._**

The teens were on the floor, clutching their stomachs, "OH MY GOD!"

**_Both: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter. We're different, different, different-different as can be._**

**_Voldemort: Ah ha! ((sticks out tongue))_**

Voldemort glared at the teens, "Shut the hell up!" They wheezed and held onto eachother.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Snape: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the champions' tent in preparation for the first task._**

**_Harry: Man, I can't believe I gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task._**

"Harry, you shouldn't be worrying about lunch but your life!"

**_Hermione: Hey Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?_**

**_Harry: No._**

**_Hermione: Why not?_**

**_Harry: You kidding me, they were so boring._**

"They got your character down perfectly."

**_Hermione: So you didn't prepare at all?_**

**_Harry: No, but at least I have my wand…um dropped my…_**

**_Hermione: Here Harry._**

**_Harry: Hey, ((he taps her nose)) you're the best._**

"I swear Harry, my threat still stands."

**_Hermione: Harry, just please don't die today. I don't wanna see my best friend get eaten by a dragon._**

**_Harry: Okay, relax, okay save the tears for my funeral._**

**_Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I find it to be very interesting._**

**_Draco: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars. So, if the single docking bay door opens, you'll probably die._**

**_Cedric: My, how dreadful_**

"Then why are you smiling?!"

**_Draco: Well, but the good is, if you're a good house student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back._**

**_Cedric: And he's the Headmaster Lion?_**

**_Draco: Who can talk._**

**_Cedric: Oh, well hello Harry how are you feeling today?_**

**_Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive._**

**_Cedric: Well good, I'm a fine day myself. Miss Granger._**

**_Hermione: Hello._**

"Being a bit cold to Ceddy, aren't you granger?"

**_Cho: Sugar Pie!_**

**_Cedric: My darling._**

Every person in the room rolled their eyes at the couple.

**_Was that a kiss for good luck?_**

**_Cho: No, that was being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck._**

**_Harry: I hate that guy._**

**_Hermione: It's okay Harry, you're gonna be great._**

**_Dumbledore: Hello-OW! God Granger, I thought you were a boggart. I'm terrified of those things._**

"Gee thanks sir."

**_And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent, get out of here. Ten more points!_**

**_Harry: Thanks Hermione!_**

**_Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to fight a dragon? Of course not, you're just children. What the hell I'm thinking? Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. They'll either be cheering for you or the dragon but either way they're gonna be making some kind of noise. So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am going to randomly select a card-board cut-out sized version of the dragon you will competing. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon._**

"YES! I'M GONNA FIGHT A CARTOON DRAGON!"

**_Pigment the Imaginary Dragon, the Reluctant Dragon, and for you Potter…the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying you've ever seen you're whole life._**

"Of course, of course I get it."

**_ If there are no complaints than I'll…_**

**_Harry: Hold on a second! This is terrifying, those are the cutest things I've ever seen._**

**_Dumbledore: ((he picks up pigment)) This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination._**

The teens bursted out laughing.

**_Disapparate!_**

**_Ron: My god, this competition is gonna suck all these dragon are whimps, Accio Double-Stuff. Look at that, OH MY GOD! A MONSTER! Is that yours?_**

**_Harry: Hm, yup._**

**_Ron: Oh my god, it's awesome can I hold it? Oh my god, this thing is terrifying, I hope the real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?_**

"You realize he's the perfect you? You'd do that when you saw it."

**_Harry: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this…_**

**_Hermione: Ron, Ron you can't be in here. This is the champions' tent._**

**_Snape: Miss Granger, what the devil are you doing in the champions tent, ten points from Gryffindor._**

"What the hell?!"

**_Ron and Harry: Ugh, thanks Hermione._**

**_Ron: Hey, good luck buddy, bye Snape._**

**_Snape: Bye…_**

"Ron, is Snape your new buddy?" Ron glared at the smirking Harry, "Shut up."

**_Cedric Diggory, now is your chance to face your dragon._**

**_Cedric: Alright fellas, wish me luck._**

**_ Cho: I believe in you._**

**_Cedric: That's all I needed to hear._**

**_Harry: Malfoy, tell you what? I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, I'll give you that opportunity. Come on, come on._**

"Uh..no."

**_Malfoy: Um, let think about…no._**

**_Harry: Come on, I'll give you my Gushers._**

**_Malfoy: Oh no, no, I have a Fruit By the Foot, I don't want Gushers._**

**_Snape: Cho Chang, your dragon a waits._**

**_Cho: Well, I can imagine that this'll be very hard._**

**_Snape: Then I imagine it won't be._**

"Did snape just skip?"

**_Harry: Malfoy, come on, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers, you can make little Gusher-Teddy Gram sandwiches._**

**_Draco: Um, alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal._**

**_Harry: Absolutely not, no way._**

"You dumbass."

**_Snape: Draco Malfoy…_**

**_Harry: Professor Snape, is there any way that I can forfeit or switch dragons or even just take the day off? What are you doing?_**

**_Snape: ((squirts ketchup all over him)) I'm protecting you Potter. Welsh Green Backs can't stand the taste of Heintz tomato ketchup._**

**_Harry: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail._**

**_Snape: Oh, why silly me, Heintz tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all. There you go Potter._**

**_Harry: What?_**

"Did he really just grab your..no..no..I'm not going there."

**_Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter will fight the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon hasn't been fed in two weeks._**

**_Hermione: Come on Harry._**

**_Ron: Harry! Woo!_**

"Oh my god! It ate you!"

**_Hermione: Harry, HARRY!_**

**_Harry: AHHH! Oh my god, uh uh, Accio Guitar!_**

"You're an idiot."

**_Hey Dragon, you don't gotta do this. Let's reevaluate our options, throw away our old presumptions 'cause really you don't wanna go through with this. I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone. The truth is in the end, I'm pretty useless without friends; in fact I'm alone, just like now…but anyhow, I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never asked for. I don't know any spells, still manage to do well but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living off the glory of some stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky so level with me buddy, I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me. All I can do is sing this song for you, la-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Harry: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Harry: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Both: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Harry: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a champion! We both just jumped on this bandwagon, when all we need is guitar jamming._**

**_Harry: So la-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Harry: La-la-la-la-la!_**

**_Dragon: La-la-la—la—la-la…_**

**_Harry: Goodnight Dragon. 1-2-3 I beat the dragon! _**

They laughed as Harry buried his face in his hands, "Mione..please..next one.."


	11. Chapter 11

**_Snape: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is the Yule Ball so please pick me your Yule Ball Wreathe and give it to that special someone. ((Ginny walks in) Ah, Ginger! ((he runs away and Ginny goes to Harry))_**

**_Ginny: Oh, hey Harry Potter!_**

**_Harry: Oh hey Ginny._**

**_Ginny: Fancy seeing you here?_**

**_Harry: Uh it's the cafeteria so yeah…_**

**_Ginny: Um, so the Yule Ball is coming up.._**

**_Harry: Yeah, I know it is, very soon._**

**_Ginny: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?_**

Harry sighed and hugged Ginny to him, she smiled sweetly but there was a slight malice, daring his character.

**_Harry: I was! I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is about now. So, if you have something to say just say it._**

**_Ginny: ((she throws the wreathe to him)) AH!_**

**_Harry: Oh, is this for me? Ah, how did you know I would need a wreathe so I could ask Cho Chang out, you're the best!_**

Harry yelped as he felt her grip on his arm grow tighter.

**_Ginny: Oh, Harry Potter, just forget it. ((she runs off crying))_**

"S-Sorry Gin.."

**_Hey, hey Cho Chang listen, um I know the Yule Ball is come up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me BUT just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and I beat a dragon's heart with it and so I think I can conquer yours. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really really skinny, Cho Chang! I'm the Mickie to your Minnie, the Tigger to my Winnie, Cho Chang! You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you out to Winnipeg that's in Canada! Oh Cho Chang! Whatever._**

**_Cho: oh my, Harry Potter, bless your heart. Um, but I have to say no. You're a young strapping boy but Cedric Diggory already asked me and I have to go with him. Sorry. Come one girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go!_**

**_Friends: Yeah! _**

**_Ron: Hey there little buddy how yah doing?_**

**_Harry: Hey…_**

**_Ron: Is that a Yule Ball wreathe?_**

**_Harry: Yeah…_**

**_Ron: Who you gonna ask? _**

Harry laughed and looked at Ron, "Please don't ever do that."

**_Harry: I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory._**

**_Ron: That's so great I love him so much. They're such a cute couple…_**

**_Harry: No, no, no, no…_**

**_Ron: I hate him, I hate him so much. Oh my god he pisses me off._**

"Good cover Weasley."

**_Ah man, that sucks dude, I don't know why she'd turn you down you're the coolest guy in school!_**

**_Harry: I get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, I'm awesome._**

**_Ron: Reesie's Pieces?_**

**_Harry: Yeah. I don't get it man, maybe I'll just go stag._**

**_Ron: Well, I'll probably go stag too. The only two girls I know who don't have dates are Ginny. ((he thumbs down))And Hermione._**

**_Harry: Oh my god. ((he thumbs down))_**

Draco laughed, "Better be glad Granger's over here." Harry nodded, whimpering as Ginny's knee hit his crotch.

**_Ron: Yeah and I'm not going with my stupid sister._**

**_Harry: And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out._**

**_Ron: We are in such a puzzle._**

"What idiots.."

**_Neville: Hi, look at these strapping young men._**

**_Both: Hey Neville._**

**_Harry: Hey Neville, want this Yule Ball Wreathe?_**

**_Neville: Yeah, if you feel like parting with it, then I will take this wreathe._**

**_Harry: Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid, teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes._**

**_Ron: that can only lead to disaster and hilarity, let's go!_**

"Oh I loved your robes Ron, they were so..stylish." Harry grinned at him.

**_Harry: I just don't know about Hermione, I mean, who would want to go with her? She's so vile and hideous…_**

Hermione jumped up and Draco grabbed her around her waist, "Granger, calm down!" She huffed, "Ginny.." Ginny nodded and slapped the boys, "Ow! Sorry Mione.."

**_Goyle: Give that plant nerd!_**

**_Neville: Ah!_**

**_Goyle: Ooo, Goyle rules!_**

The girls giggled at Goyle, "How cute."

**_Draco: So anyways, it was reluctant to move at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick Slicing Charm. What, Goyle, what're you doing with that wreathe, what you're gonna ask somebody to the Yule Ball?_**

**_Goyle: No…dancing's for nerds._**

**_Crabbe: and pretty girls._**

**_Draco: Right, you know the last girl I'd end up asking to the Yule Ball would be? That Hermione Granger._**

"OH COME ON!"

**_ Not even if we were the last two people on Earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so that every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy. Not even then…_**

Draco glared at the screen, "Shut up..shut up..shut up.."

**_You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts. All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs._**

**_Goyle: Dancing is for pansies._**

**_Draco: Hey you there what's your name?_**

**_Girl: Pansy._**

**_Draco: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me. You see that dragon? Well, it was reluctant enough at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face…_**

**_Quirrell: Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through. Last minute decorations…my Lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived. I've brought the key!_**

**_Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything you hear!_**

**_Quirrell: I'm sorry._**

**_Voldemort: No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just nervous, that's all._**

**_Quirrell: Nervous? Why?_**

**_Voldemort: I don't wanna talk about it._**

"Aww c'mon Voldy." Ron grinned, ignoring Voldmort's glare.

**_Quirrell: Hey, it's just me. You can tell me anything, you know that._**

**_Voldemort: Yeah, yeah you're right, you're right. I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know._**

**_Quirrell: Don't worry, we've mapped out everything. We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him. So just cool down, relax. By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back._**

**_Voldemort: You're right, I'm being silly. But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you, no pun intended._**

**_Quirrell: Yeah, I know what you mean. But hey, we'll still hang out. Just because we won't be attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people, no pun intended._**

**_Voldemort: Oh no, of course not! Quirrell, we should make plans..._**

**_Quirrell: Evil Plans?_**

**_Voldemort: Oh! Uh, no casual plans like um, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then see a movie that night._**

"Hey Harry, maybe they can join you and Dumbledore next weekend!"

**_Quirrell: Yeah, that'll be great because we'll both be able to watch it for a change._**

**_Voldemort: Yeah, yeah, I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds, not have someone behind you all the time._**

**_Quirrell: And have the privacy of my old life back again, solitude._**

**_Voldemort: Know, whatever happens tonight, man, it's been a blast._**

**_Quirrell: Yeah, one crazy year! Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie._**

**_Voldemort: Oh man, I promise. _**

"Awwwwwwww.." The girls cooed.

**_Snape: Oh why professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great Dance Hall, just moments before the dance?_**

**_Quirrell: Just decorating for the Yule Ball, last minute decorations, just one final touch…_**

**_Snape: A ladle?_**

**_Quirrell: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch._**

**_Snape: What's so special about it?_**

**_Quirrell: Let's just say there's Squirt in it._**

**_Snape: Squirt! Isn't that not the favorite drink of one Harry Potter?_**

"Squirt?"

**_Quirrell: Is it? I had no idea. Well, we'd better be going (Snape: We?) I! I better be going loud music hurts my ears._**

**_Snape: Okay well I'll see you later than._**

**_Quirrell: Maybe you won't._**

**_Snape: Or maybe I will._**

"Or maybe they'll FIND him eachother." Hermione glared at Draco as he grinned.

**_Dumbledore: Excuse me, it's my fault, hey Severus!_**

**_Snape: Oh Headmaster._**

**_Dumbledore: What're you doing here? You getting some punch or something?_**

**_Snape: Oh no, no, no, there's Squirt in it._**

**_Dumbledore: Oh, only Harry Potter would drink that hog's shit, I'll stick to my Red Bull, thank you very much._**

**_Snape: Well goodnight Headmaster._**

**_Dumbledore: Severus, I saved this last dance for you._**

**_Snape: Oh well I would Headmaster but you see, well an old friend is coming back into town tonight. _**

"NEXT ONE!" Hermione rolled her eyes and pressed play.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Harry: Hey Ron what's up?_**

**_Ron: Hey dude, guess…_**

**_Harry: What, what's wrong?_**

**_Ron: Nothing, nothing it's just, you know, I heard Pavarti Padtil telling Padma Padtil that she had seen Hermione in the girls' locker room crying her eyes out in a bathroom stall._**

**_Harry: Crying?_**

"TROLL ALERT!"

**_Ron: I don't know isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't it's just that it was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, you know because of her obnoxious personality, her ugly face and her misshapen body but you know, it's just that I figured she'd get in at least one night of happiness before she realized she's gonna be growing old alone, you know?_**

"OW!" Ron held his head, Hermione was still where she was. They saw she only had one shoe on and knew what happened.

**_Draco: Hey you two over here talking about Granger?_**

"Is this make fun of Hermione day?!"

**_Harry: Get out of here, this is none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?_**

**_Draco: Hey, go get me some punch._**

**_Pansy: Okay, um I should tell you there's Skirt in it._**

**_Harry: Oh, nice!_**

**_Draco: Squirt? Never mind I'll stay dehydrated. Go powder your nose or something._**

**_Pansy: I just fixed my make-up a little while ago._**

**_Draco: Trust me, you need more powder. Pain in the ass right?_**

"Bad Malfoy, you don't treat a woman like that!"

**_So anyway, heard Granger's not around here, probably better too, no one would be able to keep their hummus and peach juice with that Muggle arse of hers dancing about._**

Hermione huffed as Draco smiled weakly.

**_Ron: God, why don't you just give her a break for once okay Malfoy?_**

**_Draco: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?_**

**_Ron: No, no why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?_**

**_Draco: Oh right, like I could ever have a crush on that stupid girl…_**

Draco ducked his head down, away from the looks.

**_Cho: Oh my god, she looks beautiful bless her heart!_**

"You really did look beautiful Mione."

**_Ron: Here I am, face-to-face, with a situation I never thought I'd ever see. Strange, how a dress can make a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me._**

"I'm a mess?"

**_It seems like my eyes have been transfigured, something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide but hold that trigger! This could mean…danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger._**

Hermione smiled, "Aww.." Draco frowned and glared at Ron, he glared right back.

**_Draco: What, what the hell is this? You expect me to sing about her, I don't care about her! It's just a little make-up, Draco wake up! I'm mistaken…_**

Draco froze up as Hermione tilted her head, "Huh?"

**_She is the HOTTEST girl I've ever seen. Now she's like a girl I've never seen , don't know why I'd ever be so mean. _**

Hermione bit her lip and smiled, Draco stared at her in shock. It couldn't be..

**_This could mean, danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger._**

**_Both: I wanna let her know _**

**_Draco: I feel so queasy._**

**_Both: But I can't let it show _**

**_Ron: She'd laugh, poor Weasley._**

"I would never!"

**_Both: Come on_**

**_Ron: Ron_**

**_Draco: Draco_**

**_Both: You've gotta let it go. You gotta let it go!_**

**_Ron: Here I am face-to-face with a situation I never, ever thought I'd see. _**

**_Draco: What, what the hell is this?!_**

They laughed, "Malfoy got a boner!" Hermione blushed and shifted slightly, he tried not to look at her.

**_Ron: Strange, how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me!_**

**_Draco: I want to sing about her, sing about her.. _**

**_Ron: It seems like my eyes have been transfigured. _**

**_Draco: I want to make up, Draco wake up! I've been mistaken._**

**_Ron: Something deep inside has changed. _**

**_Draco: She is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now, cause she's like a girl I've never seen. Don't know why I'd ever be so mean.._**

**_Ron: They've been opened wide but hold that trigger.._**

**_Both: This could mean…danger! I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger…Danger!_**

"Um why is it so dangerous to fall for me?" Draco and Ron turned red and laid their heads in their hands, "Next clip.."


End file.
